Please Don’t Call Me Strong: Supporting Grieving Parents with Compassionate Words
When a parent loses a child to suicide, the people around them often search for ways to express sympathy and support. One well-meaning but often painful phrase is, “You’re so strong.” Although it’s intended to uplift, calling someone “strong” after such a profound loss can feel dismissive and isolating.
Strength is often a concept far removed from what grieving parents feel. When we endure something as heartbreaking as the loss of a child, we’re not choosing strength; we’re just finding a way to make it through each day. This isn’t an act of resilience but of survival. The reality is that most of us don’t want to feel “strong” right now – we want our child back. We need space to grieve without the weight of appearing courageous or tough.
Why Words of Empathy Matter
When people acknowledge the unique pain of losing a child, it can create a space for us to feel truly seen. For a grieving parent, it’s not strength we seek; it’s understanding and gentle presence.
Here are some compassionate ways to offer support without assigning labels:
“I’m with you through this.” - This simple statement acknowledges the pain and reassures the person they aren’t alone.
“I can’t fully understand your pain, but I’m here to help however you need.” - Humility in offering support can be incredibly comforting. It shows you recognize that their experience is unique and deeply personal.
“Your feelings are real and important.” - Letting someone know their emotions are seen and validated can make a difference when navigating overwhelming sorrow.
“Grieve at your own pace; there’s no roadmap for this.” - Many grieving parents feel pressure to “move on.” Reassuring them that there’s no need to hurry lets them know they can grieve freely.
“I’m holding this space for you.” - Offering to be present with someone without judgment or expectation is often one of the most powerful ways to show support.
If you’re supporting someone through the loss of a child, sometimes just showing up is enough. Don’t feel pressured to have “the right words.” A quiet, genuine presence – perhaps a shared meal, a walk, or a check-in that asks, “How are you feeling today?” – can bring comfort when spoken words fall short. There are no perfect words to console someone through a loss this deep, but actions and honest, heartfelt acknowledgment often mean the most. Small gestures of understanding let grieving parents feel free to process and grieve, free from expectations about strength or resilience.
At Solace Mind®, we understand that grief isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. If you’re navigating this path or supporting someone who is, we hope this insight helps foster real understanding and comfort for those facing loss.
If you or a loved one is experiencing a mental health crisis or need someone to talk to, please call 988. Veterans can choose option #1 to speak to someone specifically focused on veterans.
